I know from reading many other blogs that the topic of moms who work full time is one that generates great debate and strong feelings from both sides of the equation. This is where I stand.
I had a child when I was 34, after working for the same big company for almost 10 years. I have excellent benefits, almost 5 weeks of vacation, every other Monday off, the ability to pick up and leave if I get a phone call at 10AM that my boy has a fever, Im about 10 minutes from home and maybe 12 minutes from the day care he attends. The day care he attends is a small non-profit child care center where the teachers (who actually are teachers) are caring and loving and share in the little details of his development along with us. Their philosophy is that they are like an extension of our family and he loves it there. He is clearly thriving. He is totally stimulated during the day in a way Im not sure I would know how to do for him and holy shit he is smart. At 14 months he is extremely verbal, repeats dozens of words each day and he's learning how to be a socialized human being, making little people friends.
I am well compensated for what I do, I dont take work home or work long hours. The fact that I work outside the home makes it possible for me to contribute financially and it means we can afford to live where we do, which we love, and for our boy to attend one of the, if not the, best school districts in the state, which I dont consider to be a small thing. Am I saying that money is the driving factor for working? No. Am I saying he's not worth giving up some of the conveniences money brings? No. I miss him terribly when Im not with him and I have pangs when he makes eye contact with me when he's trying to figure out how to say something and wants me to know it. That connection we have when he looks to me to help him solve a problem and we do. In those moments I envy women who spend all day with their kids, but when I look at the big picture, its clear that my going to work is beneficial for the family.
When the boy was born, staying home was not an immediate option. At that time there were bills to be paid, car payments and the like, but I set a timetable in my mind, telling myself that after a year, if I was unhappy or he was unahappy with the child care situation I would figure out another way and leave my job if I needed to. During that year we found that everything was working fine.
Recently a job was posted at my company. The pros: Its a job I think Id be really good at. Its a job with more responsibility, great experience to be had. It pays really well. Since its a specific management level, Id get an extra week of vacation. I think I would benefit professionally from the experience. The cons: Id have to give up my flex every other Monday schedule, I might have to do a little travelling, I might have to bring some work home from time to time. Ive been in a management level job before and I know they tend to be more mentally taxing than non-mgmnt positions, and lets face it, Im already a little taxed in that area.
I want this job. I feel guilty for wanting this job. When my son was born I had to return to work, I dont feel like it was a choice, it was a necessity. It wasnt something I had to agonize over, the decision was already made for the most part. Applying for this job, which I am well qualified for and have a good chance of getting, is actively making a choice to take on more than what I have today. To knowingly place myself in a position where I will have to take time away from my boy. Of all of those things, the hardest part to accept would be giving up my Mondays with the boy and the possibility of having to travel for my job. I dont think any job is worth the money if it means off hours time away from your family, but with this job, its necessary, not optional. Im not talking weekly travel, Im talking 4-6 mini trips of a couple of days during the course of the year.
The real kicker is that if I am to continue working, we will need day care for two children if we want to have another (and I would like one more). I make enough money that if I were to stop working, my loss of income would be greater than the money we would save on day care expenses. Even with that, paying for two would be almost as much as our current mortgage payment, but if I got this job, we could manage it. So in essence, to be able to afford two and expand our family, I will need to spend more time away from them. How f'd up is that?
Ive had the luxury of some time to ponder applying for the job. Im going to meet with someone to talk more about it today. Like I said, it makes me feel guilty to have to make this choice but I find myself asking:
1) Don't I owe it to my child to be the best person I can be? To set that example? To stay in a job where I am bored and my mind is going soft when I could be offered a better opportunity and develop myself, how would that benefit my son?
2) If Im going to be working outside the house, and we've all agreed its a good thing, shouldnt I be maximizing that time away? In other words, if Im going to be away from him, shouldnt I be making more money for his college fund and feeling fulfilled during my time away? Isnt a happy mom a better mom?
3) Is is selfish for me to want to have some professional fulfillment? I know so moms would say yes because they feel taking care of their kids full time is the most fullfilling job on earth , but Im not sure I feel that way. Having worked for so many years before having a child, this is what I do, what I know. I cant turn that part of me off like it doesnt exist.
There is no easy answer, each of these options presents some yin and some yang. Ill know more later today. Im definately not done thinking about this.
