Friday quickies because I'm too tired to think of anything original and my funny coworker sent me these this morning.
One day, a husband came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain
stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
Quickie ..3 A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician
showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you
read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
Quickie ..4 Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
Quickie ..5 Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued
him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his
second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army
dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.