Our family rotates hosting the holiday get togethers at various relative's houses so no one gets stuck doing it all the time. I had my turn with Thanksgiving two years ago when I was 8 months pregnant. I committed to it way in advance and when it came time for the show I was convinced and very concerned all that prep work and entertaining would result in my going into early labor. In those days I was convinced going over a speed bump would break my bag of waters and send me pushing to the hospital, hanging on for dear life. Oh golly, are you still there? I had to pick myself up off the floor from my hysterical fit of laughter. Not even twenty hours of induced labor at 41 weeks was going to be enough to bring my dear one into the world. Just an FYI, I don't know anything about being a mother, but I am also really an extremely unreliable reference for pregnancy questions. Unless you are pregnant and trying to get out of making Thanksgiving dinner, if that's the case, you will want to call me.
Tomorrow we are heading to a relatives house that I am not particularly fond of, the plus side being she is rather Martha-ish, although she's never been in jail, that I know of, so the food will be good. There will be no quivering cranberry sauce fresh from the can on the table. She will stuff fresh cranberries into hollowed out orange halves and caress them gingerly before she douses them with brandy, makes sure there are exactly the same number of berries in each one and arranges them mindfully on a lovely three-tiered dish.
That part about the brandy, it's important because my grandfather, God love him, chews and swallows his food at a decibel level unknown to any other man or mortal I've ever witnessed. My uncle will entertain us with stories about holding his nephews heads in the toilet when they were naughty as a punishment and my mom and her sister will shriek at each other, attempting to talk over each other's unbelievably loud shrilly voices. Alcohol is definitely going to be on the menu.
The host has asked me to bring my Grandmother's orange jello. I have never heard it referred to before as my Grandmother's orange jello, although, it must be, because I hardly imagine anyone else anywhere makes a jello mold of orange flavored gelatin stuffed (it's not stuffed but what else do you call it when you mold something in the jello? I am not schooled on proper jello terminology) with shredded carrots and served on lettuce leaves with a huge glob of mayonnaise in the center? First of all, I REFUSE to mix jello and mayonnaise (WTF??) and if it were really my Grandmother's orange jello she would make it and then forget about it until an hour after dinner had been served so technically I should leave it at home. When I called my sister to borrow her jello mold, I asked, do you think I'll hear about it if I swap the oranges for the carrots? She laughed and asked what do you think? I think yes, absolutely, but be warned: If you ask me to make orange jello, you never know what you are going to get.
May all your Thanksgiving days be plentiful and happy and filled with loved ones, even if some of them are turkeys.
PS: The Halloween lights are down and off the porch. I'm in the tasteful in between stage today but come Friday, my electrical bill will go up tenfold when I string lights over everything in my front yard that is not moving.
