Binkytowne

OK, but only if it's Chocolate Chip

Today I realized as I licked the crumbs from the last of the Christmas cookies out of their zip lock bag home, I've read every blog that exists and then some. It was time to get out of the house. The perfect excuse for after-Christmas bargain shopping.

First I stopped at this place to buy pj's and I'm slightly torn between the one that says 'Viva Victoria's Secret but I don't know what that means and the one that says 'Supermodel (because really, first thing in the morning is when I feel the most like tossing my hair around and looking at my sleeping husband with a smirky pout on my face) when BAM I'm blindsided by the sight of fifty life sized photos of unbelievably long and flat torsos at one time. Those models- what are they- six foot eight? The length of their midsection was approximately the length of half my body. And not necessarily the good half. Club music was blaring, I swear lights were flashing or maybe it was just all the cleavage popping out at me like rafts on a very pink sea, I don't know, regardless, I felt my brain locking up and had to leave as quickly as possible. 

Not having a brain I stopped at this place where the season's must have skinny jeans were marked down from $58.00 to $6.99. (What does that tell you mega-chain retailers?) Oh what the hell I thought, being the bargain whore that I am, and took a couple pairs to the dressing room. For $6.99 if I could fit my ass into them I'd tuck those freaky skinny cut leg parts into my boots - I could pull it off. Raucous laughter ensued. I could not and even if I could, I just shouldn't. No one should. Not even for $6.99.

Feeling dirty from the VS crew and those stupid jeans I walked in here. This place used to have the most amazing after Christmas sales. Not anymore. They finally got wise (or I finally got suckered into going there anyway) and all the good stuff was regular price. The only sale goods were the bubble baths and plain old lotions. In this climate it's all about the body creme. Come February I'll be begging for a tube of coconut lime-verbena body creme, my scaly hands buried deep in my pockets but I WILL NOT pay full price B&B Works. Do you hear me? I won't and I won't buy your pomegranate shimmery powder either. What's that delightful smell? Oh, it's the pomegranate shimmery powder in a body spritzing bottle? It's only $5.00 if I buy a ton of other crap? Do you sell it in a scented wall sconce? HA! GOTCHA! I'm totally not buying it. See ya pushy sales girl. I'm grabbing my Viva Victoria's Secret bag (what does that mean anyway?) and high-tailing out of here while you turn your back to climb over the other seventy five sales people in here and hunt one down.

As I was leaving I realized all this shopping made me hungry so I stopped here for a sammy out of convenience and proximity to the car. I'm not a big fan of sandwich meats so I like to cover them up as much as possible. I also don't like things such as 'meatballs'. When you order turkey, you at least can be pretty sure it's turkey you are getting. A meatball is any body's guess. The meatball sub sounded good, hot cheesy and with marinara, so when the chipper big personality guy behind the counter says what are you having today? I asked- can I get a meatball sub but with turkey instead of the meatballs? The dude looked at me like I had just announced the entire amazon Viva VS crew; Heidi, Gisele - all of them, were heading in for lunch and wanted to sit directly on him. He was completely dumbfounded. Then he laughed! Hard! At me! He was all, whoa, when you asked me for that I was like what is going on? How can you have a meatball sub without meatballs? Dumb ass. Forget it! I said with attitude. Clearly you can't handle any deviation so give me a regular turkey sandwich. I was pissed. Then he felt bad and tried to apologize. I wouldn't look at him. Until he handed me a free cookie. It was a good cookie. I forgive him.

Summary:

Net worth of items returned: $51.00

Net worth of new items purchased: $49.00 

Net balance: Up $2.00

Free cookies received: 1 Chocolate Chip Oatmeal

Amount of hair tossing that will be done tonight or any night soon in my VS pajamas: None

OK, but only if it's Chocolate Chip

Today I realized as I licked the crumbs from the last of the Christmas cookies out of their zip lock bag home, I've read every blog that exists and then some. It was time to get out of the house. The perfect excuse for after-Christmas bargain shopping.

First I stopped at this place to buy pj's and I'm slightly torn between the one that says 'Viva Victoria's Secret but I don't know what that means and the one that says 'Supermodel (because really, first thing in the morning is when I feel the most like tossing my hair around and looking at my sleeping husband with a smirky pout on my face) when BAM I'm blindsided by the sight of fifty life sized photos of unbelievably long and flat torsos at one time. Those models- what are they- six foot eight? The length of their midsection was approximately the length of half my body. And not necessarily the good half. Club music was blaring, I swear lights were flashing or maybe it was just all the cleavage popping out at me like rafts on a very pink sea, I don't know, regardless, I felt my brain locking up and had to leave as quickly as possible. 

Not having a brain I stopped at this place where the season's must have skinny jeans were marked down from $58.00 to $6.99. (What does that tell you mega-chain retailers?) Oh what the hell I thought, being the bargain whore that I am, and took a couple pairs to the dressing room. For $6.99 if I could fit my ass into them I'd tuck those freaky skinny cut leg parts into my boots - I could pull it off. Raucous laughter ensued. I could not and even if I could, I just shouldn't. No one should. Not even for $6.99.

Feeling dirty from the VS crew and those stupid jeans I walked in here. This place used to have the most amazing after Christmas sales. Not anymore. They finally got wise (or I finally got suckered into going there anyway) and all the good stuff was regular price. The only sale goods were the bubble baths and plain old lotions. In this climate it's all about the body creme. Come February I'll be begging for a tube of coconut lime-verbena body creme, my scaly hands buried deep in my pockets but I WILL NOT pay full price B&B Works. Do you hear me? I won't and I won't buy your pomegranate shimmery powder either. What's that delightful smell? Oh, it's the pomegranate shimmery powder in a body spritzing bottle? It's only $5.00 if I buy a ton of other crap? Do you sell it in a scented wall sconce? HA! GOTCHA! I'm totally not buying it. See ya pushy sales girl. I'm grabbing my Viva Victoria's Secret bag (what does that mean anyway?) and high-tailing out of here while you turn your back to climb over the other seventy five sales people in here and hunt one down.

As I was leaving I realized all this shopping made me hungry so I stopped here for a sammy out of convenience and proximity to the car. I'm not a big fan of sandwich meats so I like to cover them up as much as possible. I also don't like things such as 'meatballs'. When you order turkey, you at least can be pretty sure it's turkey you are getting. A meatball is any body's guess. The meatball sub sounded good, hot cheesy and with marinara, so when the chipper big personality guy behind the counter says what are you having today? I asked- can I get a meatball sub but with turkey instead of the meatballs? The dude looked at me like I had just announced the entire amazon Viva VS crew; Heidi, Gisele - all of them, were heading in for lunch and wanted to sit directly on him. He was completely dumbfounded. Then he laughed! Hard! At me! He was all, whoa, when you asked me for that I was like what is going on? How can you have a meatball sub without meatballs? Dumb ass. Forget it! I said with attitude. Clearly you can't handle any deviation so give me a regular turkey sandwich. I was pissed. Then he felt bad and tried to apologize. I wouldn't look at him. Until he handed me a free cookie. It was a good cookie. I forgive him.

Summary:

Net worth of items returned: $51.00

Net worth of new items purchased: $49.00 

Net balance: Up $2.00

Free cookies received: 1 Chocolate Chip Oatmeal

Amount of hair tossing that will be done tonight or any night soon in my VS pajamas: None

Christmas Awards HALF OFF!

If you are feeling anything like the Binky family, which is out of sorts, exhausted and sick of eating sugar day and night (not really) then you must be starving for some fifty percent off:

              CHRISTMAS PRESENT AWARDS 

                           

The award for best effort goes to: My sister. She carefully combed the stores for everything the little man loves: A Gold bug book, a tee-shirt with a race car on it, a case for his cars and a butt load of trucks to put in it.

The award for most anticlimactic gift opening goes to: The little man, who I forgive for being totally over stimulated, but who could not have cared less about the presents she so thoughtfully bought for him.

The award for my favorite gift received:  This tee shirt. Frakin cool! 

The award for my favorite gift given: Ale glasses. Because they are cool, were unexpected, happily received and because god love them, they fit in the dishwasher so I can stop hand washing the wine glasses Mr B drinks his fancy Belgian beers out of.

The award for my least favorite gift received: A TIE BETWEEN:

A gift certificate from here. Um, sorry, crocodile inspired printed vests are just not my thing

&

A Rosemary plant that is as large as a small tree. Oh thank you. Now I get to take care of myself, a small child, a husband, a big dog AND a rosemary plant. Thank you so very much.

The award for my least well received comment made:  My uncle who said "Congratulations!" On what? "Expecting another little one!"

I am totally not pregnant.

ENJOY!

Christmas Awards HALF OFF!

If you are feeling anything like the Binky family, which is out of sorts, exhausted and sick of eating sugar day and night (not really) then you must be starving for some fifty percent off:

              CHRISTMAS PRESENT AWARDS 

                           

The award for best effort goes to: My sister. She carefully combed the stores for everything the little man loves: A Gold bug book, a tee-shirt with a race car on it, a case for his cars and a butt load of trucks to put in it.

The award for most anticlimactic gift opening goes to: The little man, who I forgive for being totally over stimulated, but who could not have cared less about the presents she so thoughtfully bought for him.

The award for my favorite gift received:  This tee shirt. Frakin cool! 

The award for my favorite gift given: Ale glasses. Because they are cool, were unexpected, happily received and because god love them, they fit in the dishwasher so I can stop hand washing the wine glasses Mr B drinks his fancy Belgian beers out of.

The award for my least favorite gift received: A TIE BETWEEN:

A gift certificate from here. Um, sorry, crocodile inspired printed vests are just not my thing

&

A Rosemary plant that is as large as a small tree. Oh thank you. Now I get to take care of myself, a small child, a husband, a big dog AND a rosemary plant. Thank you so very much.

The award for my least well received comment made:  My uncle who said "Congratulations!" On what? "Expecting another little one!"

I am totally not pregnant.

ENJOY!

Feeling Charlie Brown-ish

You know that music that they play for Charlie Brown's Christmas? Christmas time is here. Happiness and Cheer. La la la la la la la la la la la.  All the while Charlie is walking, his big animated shoes kicking it in front of him. Head down, plugging along. That's how I feel.

When did Christmas become number 117 on my list of things of things to do? I have always loved Christmas and I don't just mean the presents part, because I do love that too. I mean the spirit of Christmas; Running into the lady you used to see at doggy day care every week at the coffee shop you never would have gone to unless you were buying coffee for that guy you work with. Picking our sparkly gifts for your friends. Sugar cookies with frosting made of powdered sugar and decorated with little red hots for the eyes. Admiring the wreaths decorating the city streetlights. That kind of Christmas.

I just can't get into the spirit this year. Christmas cards were sent out of obligation. The minimum of lights were put out. No decorations other than the tree could be bothered with. I guess it's my turn now to make the magic for someone else. I'm fine with that. I look forward to it actually but I'm more than a little sad to see it go from the special place I had carved out for it during the year.

I think we are at an inbetween place: the little man not old enough to appreciate it yet, me too busy taking care of the little man to sit still and take it all in. I'm hopeful that all of that joy will return and multiply by a hundred when I get to watch my little man's eyes widen in delight on Christmas morning or when he wants to help me frost those cookies.

After all, hope is a very Christmas time thing to have.

Feeling Charlie Brown-ish

You know that music that they play for Charlie Brown's Christmas? Christmas time is here. Happiness and Cheer. La la la la la la la la la la la.  All the while Charlie is walking, his big animated shoes kicking it in front of him. Head down, plugging along. That's how I feel.

When did Christmas become number 117 on my list of things of things to do? I have always loved Christmas and I don't just mean the presents part, because I do love that too. I mean the spirit of Christmas; Running into the lady you used to see at doggy day care every week at the coffee shop you never would have gone to unless you were buying coffee for that guy you work with. Picking our sparkly gifts for your friends. Sugar cookies with frosting made of powdered sugar and decorated with little red hots for the eyes. Admiring the wreaths decorating the city streetlights. That kind of Christmas.

I just can't get into the spirit this year. Christmas cards were sent out of obligation. The minimum of lights were put out. No decorations other than the tree could be bothered with. I guess it's my turn now to make the magic for someone else. I'm fine with that. I look forward to it actually but I'm more than a little sad to see it go from the special place I had carved out for it during the year.

I think we are at an inbetween place: the little man not old enough to appreciate it yet, me too busy taking care of the little man to sit still and take it all in. I'm hopeful that all of that joy will return and multiply by a hundred when I get to watch my little man's eyes widen in delight on Christmas morning or when he wants to help me frost those cookies.

After all, hope is a very Christmas time thing to have.

Pink is a lovely color

Just not in my two year old's eye first thing in the morning of the first scheduled mama vacation day scheduled since, um, July.

Because you know it won't just stay in one eye- it will jump to the other eye, my dogs eyes, my eyes (this is a given- it's itching as we speak just because I know I.must.not.scratch.it.)

Where did he pick up such a thing? Why the doctors office, of course. My Pediatrician's office, or  the soon to be ex-pediatrician's office has remodeled into this huge new open commons where I spent twenty minutes chasing him from one end of the place to the other and receptionist lady- don't look at me like that. Your sign says to tell you if it's been more than 15 minutes and whatever, if I have a toddler you shouldn't keep me waiting more than 5 minutes. Because then you wouldn't have to give me more dirty looks when he runs behind your desk shaking his bag of graham teddy crackers that I bought at the overpriced store downstairs. I took him there Friday for a flu shot, then had to pick him up an hour later from school because they called me and said he wouldn't stop crying. Oh yes, good times. Feeling particularly good about my mothering skills since that call. Why I didn't see that coming and take the rest of the day off I still don't know.

I'm not totally sure it's pink eye. It looks like he could have a bit of a sty but either way, I can't take him to school like that and the Ped can't get me in until 11:20. Seeing that little man woke up at 4, probably because his eye was bugging him, this is shaping up to be a banner morning. I can hardly wait to pin down an overtired super charged toddler who has been running wild in the mile long waiting room and put some goo in his eye.

Good times, my friends.

Pink is a lovely color

Just not in my two year old's eye first thing in the morning of the first scheduled mama vacation day scheduled since, um, July.

Because you know it won't just stay in one eye- it will jump to the other eye, my dogs eyes, my eyes (this is a given- it's itching as we speak just because I know I.must.not.scratch.it.)

Where did he pick up such a thing? Why the doctors office, of course. My Pediatrician's office, or  the soon to be ex-pediatrician's office has remodeled into this huge new open commons where I spent twenty minutes chasing him from one end of the place to the other and receptionist lady- don't look at me like that. Your sign says to tell you if it's been more than 15 minutes and whatever, if I have a toddler you shouldn't keep me waiting more than 5 minutes. Because then you wouldn't have to give me more dirty looks when he runs behind your desk shaking his bag of graham teddy crackers that I bought at the overpriced store downstairs. I took him there Friday for a flu shot, then had to pick him up an hour later from school because they called me and said he wouldn't stop crying. Oh yes, good times. Feeling particularly good about my mothering skills since that call. Why I didn't see that coming and take the rest of the day off I still don't know.

I'm not totally sure it's pink eye. It looks like he could have a bit of a sty but either way, I can't take him to school like that and the Ped can't get me in until 11:20. Seeing that little man woke up at 4, probably because his eye was bugging him, this is shaping up to be a banner morning. I can hardly wait to pin down an overtired super charged toddler who has been running wild in the mile long waiting room and put some goo in his eye.

Good times, my friends.

Lip gloss Schlip gloss

I'm acutely aware, now more than ever, as a mother, that there are things in life that really are priceless. Things you can't put a value on.

I'm aware that I've been blogging about my child who throws tantrums (No! Really?!That's unheard of!) and writing satirical Christmas lists for Santa telling him all the things I want.

Maybe it's the mass-consumerism of the holidays, maybe it's being reminded that there are people in the world who have real problems. I know that I am very, very lucky. Naughty children have been around since the beginning of time and I have all the lip gloss I could ever need. I have nothing to complain about.

Kristen of Motherhood Uncensored and Julie of Mothergoosemouse have created "Her Bad Auction," a series of raffles to raise money for muscular dystrophy research.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably read the brilliant Her Bad Mother, whose nephew Tanner, is living with the disease.

For tickets as little as $1 or $5 you can enter to win truly wonderful items-- high-end diaper bags, a custom Christmas stocking, handmade kids tees, books and Cd's, a full blog makeover and more.

You can buy tickets for the series of individual raffles starting today. Have you looked at the cool prizes? You can place your tickets on as many items as you wish. All proceeds go to MD Canada. Winners will be announced on Monday, December 18.

If you prefer, you can donate directly to MD Canada in Tanner's name. Let Catherine know by sending an email to herbadmother@gmail.com.

This amazing crew has also created a way to literally fill Tanner's mailbox with love. Have your child(ren) write a letter to Tanner. Draw a picture, send him a joke. Let him know that Aunt Catherine and Wonderbaby make you laugh. Show him that it's possible to care about someone you' ve never even met.

I promise you it will make you and his mother (another bad mother) feel better than any shiny lip gloss ever could. Check it out.

Lip gloss Schlip gloss

I'm acutely aware, now more than ever, as a mother, that there are things in life that really are priceless. Things you can't put a value on.

I'm aware that I've been blogging about my child who throws tantrums (No! Really?!That's unheard of!) and writing satirical Christmas lists for Santa telling him all the things I want.

Maybe it's the mass-consumerism of the holidays, maybe it's being reminded that there are people in the world who have real problems. I know that I am very, very lucky. Naughty children have been around since the beginning of time and I have all the lip gloss I could ever need. I have nothing to complain about.

Kristen of Motherhood Uncensored and Julie of Mothergoosemouse have created "Her Bad Auction," a series of raffles to raise money for muscular dystrophy research.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably read the brilliant Her Bad Mother, whose nephew Tanner, is living with the disease.

For tickets as little as $1 or $5 you can enter to win truly wonderful items-- high-end diaper bags, a custom Christmas stocking, handmade kids tees, books and Cd's, a full blog makeover and more.

You can buy tickets for the series of individual raffles starting today. Have you looked at the cool prizes? You can place your tickets on as many items as you wish. All proceeds go to MD Canada. Winners will be announced on Monday, December 18.

If you prefer, you can donate directly to MD Canada in Tanner's name. Let Catherine know by sending an email to herbadmother@gmail.com.

This amazing crew has also created a way to literally fill Tanner's mailbox with love. Have your child(ren) write a letter to Tanner. Draw a picture, send him a joke. Let him know that Aunt Catherine and Wonderbaby make you laugh. Show him that it's possible to care about someone you' ve never even met.

I promise you it will make you and his mother (another bad mother) feel better than any shiny lip gloss ever could. Check it out.