Posting has been light in Binkytown. I can't even blame it on lack of sleep because this baby is FREAKING AMAZING and loves sleeping. That's all I can say because anything more and I might jinx the fact that this baby sleeps. Like A LOT. OK I'm really done. (I slept for 7 hours last night. Can you believe it?)
What is not beautiful is the behavior of my three year old and it is really taking an emotional and mental toll. Most of my spare minutes of the day are spent contemplating what to do about this child. Does he have a real problem or is this within the span of "normal" and he is just particularly intense right now? Are we the ones with the problem? Not doing the right things to help him? Offering too many choices? What if we do this or that or this combined with that? What if we try something else completely different?
The only thing I do know for sure is that it requires our full attention. I can't go on thinking it's a phase that he will snap out of or blame my lack of a plan on post partum recovery. Eight weeks in we have a somewhat predictable routine with the baby, he is thriving and it's time to turn the focus where it is very much needed.
This weekend involved two knock down drag out tantrums; One at a neighbors house that involved having to leave my baby on their floor while I carried my gigantic toddler out of their house and then had to ask a passer-by to go get my husband because like a chump, I believed my son when he said he would walk to our house and I wound up chasing him up and down the block, angry and frustrated and mortified to be doing so on full display of half the street.
The next when a play date took a bad turn and I had to physically force him into the stroller (not an easy thing to do, just for the record, avoid that if you can) and push him screaming at full volume for half a mile, his foot continuously applying the stroller brake and me having to push his foot away and release it over and over all the way home. Once at home he threw a shoe at the television, he told me I was stupid, he hit and he kicked and he raged.
Sometimes he does this, these insane tantrums, for an hour at a time. Immediately after the baby was born we attempted to shut them down as soon as possible, regardless of the outcome, because I couldn't physically or emotionally spend an hour restraining him. But that's not doing him any favors and this problem is not getting any better.
I don't know if he requires special help or if we can help him through this but I do know it is slowly chipping away at my heart. I'm starting to take it personally, which I know is the last thing I should be doing, but when he is so deliberately mean, I don't want to let it go and I have to force myself to forgive and move on and not withdraw attention or affection.
I bought a book last week. This is not a review, this is my last attempt at turning this around before we seek professional help. No one is happy here, he can't control himself and I am beating myself up for not being able to fix this. Even the baby is suffering, I often have to move him into his crib and let him cry while I deal with his brother because I am afraid he will lash out at him just to get to me.
The book has been helpful in reinforcing some things we do right and pinpointing others we can do more consistently and successfully. I know this will not change overnight and will likely get worse before it gets better.
But it has to get better. I have to find a way.
